GIRL ABOUT TOWN ON: HYPER INDEPENDENCE.

Socialites, let’s talk about hyper independence. Yes, we are getting deep again, so buckle in. 

I have a question, I promise it will make sense in a second. 

What would you say is more detrimental? To grow up with a parent who is physically absent? Or one who is mentally absent, but physically present? My guess is that it would depend on who you ask. 

Fortunately, or I guess unfortunately? for me, I’ve experienced both. And because of this, I learned to be hyper independent from a young age. 

My hyper independence has made it feel like it was “just me” for as long as I can remember. And this isn’t for lack of having friends or family around me my entire life. I guess you can say I’ve been really lucky in that way, luckier than many people may have been. But life is funny in the way that you can be surrounded by people and still feel alone. 

I was 10 years old holding back my feelings in an effort to not bother my mom after she had a long day at work. I was 10 years old never feeling like I was justified in being upset for growing up without a father — because I always thought it would just be a “okay…join the club” conversation. So I grew up coddling and comforting myself, and got damn good at it. 

It’s always the traumas that are so customary to you that you don’t realize affect you the most, until you eventually, hopefully, are made to address them. And I’m grateful for having found therapy as it has allowed me to connect the dots of my childhood and see how they are now adding up in my life as an adult. 

For me, now, my hyper independence manifests in a few different ways. A refusal to ask for help(also being afraid to), constantly thinking I’m a burden, working myself to the point of burn out and exhaustion, blah blah blah. 

Albeit a trauma response, my hyper independence, in some ways, has served me well. I am self sufficient and resourceful, and have no issue spending time alone, in fact, I actually require it. The way I see it, if no one were to ever look out for me again, I would know how to look out for, and take care of myself. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. 

But as I’m now realizing hyper independence can make your life harder in ways that it does not need to be. 

It has been a slow process, but I’ve began allowing people to help me, especially when it comes to my creative projects. Sure I could struggle and do it all myself, but for what? When a friend snapping pictures for me, or listening as I run a few ideas by them, can make my plate even just 1% lighter. 

I know a lot of us may be conditioned to having do things all on our own. And it can feel very comfortable in that space of “Its just me, I’m all I’ve ever had”. And quite frankly it’s scary to let another person in when you are so used to chugging along on your own. But it’s never a sign of weakness or a burden on people who are able and willing to help you. So let them. 

Xo,

Girl About Town